Conversations With Koreans: Wait, we arenвЂ™t buddies?
вЂњThank youвЂќ, вЂњHelloвЂќ, вЂњGive meвЂ¦ pleaseвЂќ and some other words and phrases are among a number of words that foreigners just in Korea learn and included in this is frequently the phrase chingu , translated loosely as вЂњfriendвЂќ. Foreigners splice this word to their English sentences without hesitation and employ it seemingly without understanding what it really means. This might be probably certainly one of my least words that are favorite Korean and IвЂ™ll explain why.
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Some years back, I became using lessons that are korean times per week for four hours each day. I happened to be devouring just as much because I was dating a Korean man, most of my friends were Korean and of course I was living in Korea and I wanted to make life just a bit easier as I could of the language. Before using the classes, I became hesitant and weary of the thing I regarded as forced respect inside the rules associated with language, components of the language that force us to show a respect that we might n’t have for someone. Just because folks are older doesnвЂ™t mean they always deserve respect as well as that point IвЂ™d held it’s place in enough situations to understand that many, often, males just assumed in numerous ways that I should be respectful of them even though they disrespected me. Through the classes, we discovered how exactly to show my disapproval when being disrespected without being downright rude and I also learned just how to be much more assertive in Korean. One of the primary classes we learned, however, had been that I have almost no вЂњfriendsвЂќ in Korea. (From here on out вЂњfriendвЂќ in parenthesis would be the Korean as a type of friend while a friend that is freestanding function as the English variation.)
My hubby, boyfriend at that time, and I also chose to have a meet up at the house and invited our close friends that are korean. There were about 10 of us all over dining table and I also ended up being the foreigner that is only the spot. As of this point, IвЂ™d known my boyfriend and all of his friends for an excellent 4 or 5 years plus in my native tongue, we would phone them my buddies. Following the food was finished while the plates acquired, I was thinking a game could be enjoyable. Using just what IвЂ™d learned from course on how best to call someone by title, I stated, вЂњSo-yung-a, would you like to play a casino game?вЂќ making use of the reduced type of the language. I experienced been gaining confidence with the language and deploying it whenever I could. There clearly was a gasp that is audible after a couple of seconds of silence, So-yung said, вЂњyes,вЂќ but two of this more aggressively conservative people in the group explained i really couldnвЂ™t say вЂњSo-yung-aвЂќ to So-yung.
Buddy 1: So-yung is avove the age of you may be.
Buddy 2: You canвЂ™t say вЂњSo-yung-aвЂќ because youвЂ™re younger than this woman is.
Me: WeвЂ™re friends though.
Friend 1: No, youвЂ™re not friends with So-yung.
Me personally: What do you realy suggest? IвЂ™ve known her for a long time. We have her contact number within my phone. We see her a eharmony great deal. We have been buddies and my guide says this is certainly an appropriate ending for a buddy.
Friend 2: No, you canвЂ™t be buddies than you are because she is older.
Me personally: we donвЂ™t know very well what youвЂ™re saying.
Buddy 1: you are able to simply be friends with somebody this is the age that is same your self.
Me personally: Well, that doesnвЂ™t make any feeling. You will be all my buddies and you’re all over the age of i will be.
Buddy 1: We arenвЂ™t your friends.
After that I went along to my space for just a little cry mostly because I became simply told I experienced no buddies and in addition since the language these were using to state their viewpoint was extremely aggressive and I also donвЂ™t handle aggressive situations very well. Coming from a teaching standpoint, aggressively attacking students for making use of a word or a phrase inappropriately hardly ever makes the student respond in a positive means. Frequently, the student will end up more timid to utilize the language or make an effort to use words as time goes on unless theyвЂ™re completely clear on their meaning. In addition reminded my вЂњfriendsвЂќ later that I donвЂ™t attack them if they misuse a word, if it is extremely rude, We remind myself that itвЂ™s not their first language and I attempt to assist them to realize why maybe it’s taken the wrong method. My вЂњfriendsвЂќ nevertheless, weren’t therefore patient with my language purchase. Though I experienced excitingly examine my tutorial publications and experienced discussions within my course, we had taken several things and words when you look at the book for given maybe not realizing they didnвЂ™t mean just what it showed up they meant. Two for the more tolerant people in our team came in to sooth me personally and explain in nicer terms just what everybody had gotten so upset about.